Nobody's Perfect

First of all let me say that I am far from perfect myself. I have a tendancy to procrastinate and I often underestimate how much work it will take to accomplish some tasks.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way it is time to point the finger elsewhere...

In my capacity as the general manager of the Legend I come into contact with a great many people, groups, businesses and so forth. I have learned that people spend a lot of time in none productive pursuits. As a teacher the day was so clock driven the wasted time was minimalized. (A bad teacher could waste the whole day, but if you were really trying the "lost" time was small.) The pre-planning time is not anywhere near as much in the "real world" There seems to me at least a great deal more winging it going on. It is not necesarily a bad thing, but it can frustrate people who come in from the outside.

I hope the things I do do not cause the same levels of frustration in others that I experience with some of the entities I am dealing regularly.

Here is the latest Globe column... a day late said the procrastinator...
http://dodgeglobe.com/stories/030905/lif_20050309044.shtml

Reading and Listening to Books

Books on tape are great!

I still love to sit on the couch with an actual paper and ink book and read. However, since I am in the car an awful lot books on tape or CD have been wonderful. Reading allows for re-reading and underlining and referring back a few pages, which is always good. The availability of books in audio has doubled the input my brain can get.

I am reading "The Tipping Point" an interesting book about the dynamics of epidemics, of both the social and illness types. I am listening to "To Sail the Dark Wine Sea - Why the Greeks Still Matter." Usually I just read detective novels and go to sleep. I do not know what kicked off this interest in non-fiction, but I am learning a lot.

The book about the Greeks is cool for a few reasons. One reason I like it is because I got into quite a debate in an education class about what an educated person should know. Too many folks think an education is just something to prepare you for a career. Aarrrggghhh! An educated person is a valuable human being not the employee of the month at Starbucks! Learning about Homer and Aeschylus etc. has benefits even in 2005. I also learned that the word "symposium" means a meeting for drinking large quantities of wine. The next time I am invited to an education symposium I'm going!

The latest column is at this address:
http://www.dodgeglobe.com/stories/022305/lif_20050223041.shtml

Complaining through the ages

I think I have passed over into the OLD generation. I am seeing more and more things that I think were better when I was a kid. Television was better. There are things I like, but there are fewer things. The hot new music is unintelligable to me much of the time. I grumble and grouse in a much different way. As a kid you whine and do odd body gyrations to show your parents you are bored to death as they shop in the grocery store. As a teenager you loudly complain and have the egocentric idea that no one has the problems you have. As a young adult the complaining is done in small groups as you talk about how tough it is to make a living with something as useless as a liberal arts degree. I am now at the stage where I sigh a lot and grumble under my breath. "Grumble, grumble, darn kids never close the stupid doors, grumble, grumble, grumble, freakin' dog is always barking, grumble grumble, grumble, damn government can't get anything right, grumble, grumble, grumble."

Yep, I am in that generation. I truly do not mind it though. There are many, many things right with my life, but it is still oddly enjoyabe to grumble - somewhat cathartic.

Grumbling is allowed, but don't forget to enjoy the good things...

If you interested the latest column by yours truly appearing in the Dodge City Daily Globe is at the following address:
http://www.dodgeglobe.com/stories/021605/lif_20050216044.shtml

Thinking can be complex

I hate it when people make lame excuses for not getting tasks accomplished. So I will not regale you with all the reasons I have not blogged recently (writing for the Globe, getting things done for Imum Pancy, things for the Legend are beginning to bounce, I am still married with three children...sorry).

I have been reading fascinating stuff recently. Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink has really cool insights into how people think and why they think the things they do. Did you know that a disproportionate number of top CEOs are not only white and male (no surprise) but they are also tall. The things you think without realizing it push you in all sorts of directions that may or may not be good for you. Did you know that just making angry faces without having things that have truly pissed you off can make you feel angry? If you hold a pen in your teeth, thus making it easier for your face to smile, while watching cartoons makes them more enjoyable. If you hold a pen between your lips, thus making it hard to impossible to smile, while watching cartoons makes them less enjoyable. If you put a person in a certain frame of mind they will act in that frame of mind even in situations that would normally cause different reactions.

The human mind is an amazing thing...to bad too few of us use it on a regular basis. Others overuse it and need to let it do more of its stuff on its own. The well-trained gut reaction is often more valuable than the highly dissected, re-thought, re-hashed, and highly researched decision.

Letter to the Editor

Dear Sir,
I want to express my displeasure about an issue in the Kansas State Legislature. I can't believe these people are spending so much time talking about s-e-x. They should be ashamed of the themselves. I don't think s-e-x should be talked about in public places. However, I am going to have to make an exemption.

The people in Topeka want to outlaw same sex marriage. This is awful! I only know one way to have sex. I have the same sex all the time. If they make this illegal I don't think I can handle it. I can't come up with a new way to do it each time my wife and I want to have relations. Granted it only happens whenever we change the clocks (and the batteries in the smoke detectors) but after we spring forward I will not be able to figure out a new way to fall back.

Those yahoos in Topeka had better come up with some kind of manual if they expect everyone in the state to stop having the same sex. I for one would allow my tax dollars to make some sort of Kansas Sutra to help the less imaginative of us.

Sincerely,
Floyd Christopher Turbo, Jr.

(apologies to my mother who reads this...)

The King is Dead...

I always felt a certain connection to Johnny Carson. He was born in Nebraska. I was born in Nebraska. He started on the Tonight Show in 1962. I started on this planet in 1962. Every anniversary show for Johnny had the same number as the number of candles on my birthday cake. He was funny. I always wanted to be funny. He seemed to have a kind soul. I strive for kindness. Humor for him was never mean-spirited. I find it difficult to make jokes that might be hurtful to anyone. He was a private man. I am naturally shy and value my time on my own, even though much of my work has me in some sort of public spotlight. I have missed him since 1992 and now he has passed.

Why do I feel genuine sadness? I never met him. I only saw him on television with millions of others seeing him at the same time. He wasn't talking to me. That is what made him the best at what he did. His sincerity was visible. For years and years I wanted to be Johnny Carson when I grew up. But no one will ever quite match up to him.

Thank you Mr. Carson for all your time and talent given to so many, and for being a role model I am still proud to publically proclaim.

New Stuff is Happening

As mentioned earlier, I have made the leap to newspaper columnist!

The old Chris, who always down-played any successful endeavor, would say the local paper just wanted a local writer to add more local flavor to the paper. The new Chris, who proudly takes credit for his accomplishments, would say increased confidence in his writing helped him sell his work to a new outlet. Either way (you choose) I am now officially a weekly humor columnist for an honest to goodness newspaper.

The most recent column (number 2 overall) is posted on the papers website at this address:
http://www.dodgeglobe.com/stories/011205/lif_20050112022.shtml

The "Pod of Geniuses" known as Imum Pancy is working towards many new things. Life can be good.

A new year begins...

The year ahead seems to be rife with possibilities. I get to generally manage the Legend with a year under my belt and put more of my own stamp on the game night entertainment. I am continuing with the radio broadcasting of high school sports which is fun and the added experience makes it possible to be a better broadcaster for the Legend. I get to continue the column in the Legend magazine. These things are great fun and allow me to dabble in a variety of things.

The new endeavors look good. The "Broken Wind" script is finished and the pre-production and the shooting schedule should get accomplished in a while. I also will be branching out with the humor column stuff to the Dodge City Daily Globe. Wednesday's "lifestyle" section will start carrying my stuff. Since Dave Barry is taking a sabbatical why not try to fill the void.

Everything that is going well in my life can be attributed to the people I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by. Claudia makes it all happen. The family I grew up in created my sensibilites. Rob taught me how to be funny and to be a friend. Sarah keeps pushing me to create, and helps set the bar high. Seth has provided confidence and made what was only a weak wish into a reality. Thank you to all.

Freakin' Sweet

The first package opening of the Christmas season occurred Saturday at the 2nd Annual Fleece Navidad Party at M. Schaeffer's house. The generousity of all was abundant and my family thanks everyone for their kindness.

I got the Brian (dog from Family Guy) action figure I shamelessly asked for in an earlier blog thanks to Sarah.

Seth made it possible for me to find that "mot juste" with his gifts of etymological compendiums. I have never been accused of possessing a paucity in the vocabulary department. However, the next time I wish to vociferate or pontificate with my coterie, even though I am no polyglot, I shall be able to regale them well, much to their delectation. Maybe this skill will one day lead to true autarky. I do hope I don't sound too supercilious.

What do you Want for Christmas?

A common question this time of year is "What do you want for Christmas?" When I was a kid I had no trouble coming up with quite a long list. (Did anyone else out there ask for "Calisto" the alien buddy of intrepid space adventurer Major Matt Mason?) I was lucky enough that my parents were in a situation and of the dispostition to give me more than a reasonable amount of what I asked Santa to bring me.

Now, as forty-two year old father of three my listmaking is not anywhere near what it used to be. It is not that I don't desire stuff. (See the previous blog entry "Materialistic Bastard") I have gotten to a point in my life that "stuff" isn't as important. The desire is not for the particular "most wanted item" (Red Ryder BB gun etc.) I like gifts that have meaning in relation to the person giving them.

Whenever my kids asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year they added the describing phrase "that we can wrap and put under the tree." Below is the list of what I would like that cannot be wrapped up and put under the tree. After you read the first couple you will understand why my kids said what they said.

1. Children that do not fight with each other
2. Children that keep their rooms somewhat clean
3. Time to spend with my family - alone time with my wife
4. Time to spend with my friends
5. Time to do the creative things I enjoy
6. The dream of Imum Pancy comes to reality
7. A league championship for the Legend

There are only nine shopping days until Christmas. If you can do something about the above list I would greatly appreciate it.

Stories and the people who tell them

I have always enjoyed good story tellers. I also aspire to be one. There are times I feel like the Salieri of storytellers. I am able to recognize greatness, but seem unable to create it myself. Now before Seth gets onto me for my usual self-denigrating way, I am good. I have written very good things from time to time, but I lack consistancy and the nebulous quality that puts me into the great category.

I don't want to write the great American novel. Deep literature doesn't interest me very much. I like stories. Snippets of life that make the reader laugh, feel pride, even the ones that make you tear up a bit. I do not subscribe to what I call the "Oprah Disease." This is a malady where the only great literature must be immensely sad. The abused wife suffering from Tourette's Syndrome finds an autistic child on her doorstep...(arrggghhh!) Look at a list of the Oprah Book Club and nearly all of them have a "depression factor" beyond standing on the scale after three weeks of intense physical labor to find you gained 7 pounds.

Someone who excels at capturing simple life in a wonderful way is a sports columnist for the Kansas City Star. Joe Posnanski knows how to write a story. Recently the powers that be at the paper have realized his talents and he has branched out to write about more than sports. He still writes about sports, but he diverts to other topics more often now. He writes about humanity in a way that makes you glad you still have a membership card to the human race.

If you want to read some of his stuff: www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/sports/columnists/joe_posnanski/

Windmills and a Windbag

Hmmm... what to write about today.

The latest windwill I tilted at was not one for publication. I used to go on Quixotic quests with great regularity when I was a teacher. There are ample opportunities for righteous indignation when working in education. The "windmills" won entirely too many of the battles, which was probably one of the reasons I now work for a basketball team.

I still have the deisre to fight the good fight. It is just the opportunites are fewer and I have less direct contact.

Beware: Change of topic without benefit of segue...

I have added radio sports broadcasting to my resume in the last year. It was an expectaion of the job with the Legend. It has since branched out to include high school sports in the fall and winter. I enjoy it quite a bit. The hardest part is not saying the bloody obvious over and over again. ("I think the team that will score the most points before the clock runs out will win." was a quote I heard a broadcaster say once.)I just hope to throw in occasional jokes and arcane references to make it enjoyable for the few people listening.

Talking for four hours solid brings on a whole different kind of fatigue than anything else I have done.

Note to would be broadcasters: Do not eat anything before the game that will cause indigestion - squelching a belch while calling a fast break is damn near impossible.

Materialistic Bastard

I like stuff. I admit it. The Christmas season is just about to kick off. The ulitimate dichotomy of the good and the bad of materialism. Retail greed is at its greatest this time of year. Buy, buy,BUY! is the battle cry everywhere you look. Then there are the reminders placed strategically about pertaining to the "reason for the season."

Giving and not getting is supposed to be the purpose. The Christian faith is celebrating the begining of the life of Christ. There were no blue light specials in Bethlehem, besides I doubt K-Mart carried myrrh. (If they had would they have been called K-Myrrh-T?) I do get a very good feeling giving gifts to people. I love the looks on my kids faces when they open gifts. The youngest one still has the wonder in his eyes, he has not been as exposed to jaded folks yet. The Santa spirit lives well in George.

Probably the best thing about Christmas morning with the kids is the joy they have on their faces when they watch others open the presents they picked out for them. Emilyjane, Alice, and George all love to give to each other and they put thought behind their gifts. They are completely focused on the person opening the present they gave them even with the spoils of their own Christmas plunder at their feet.

All that said and all that being true, I still have to admit I like getting things. I like toys. I like gadgets. I like getting stuff. I will not say there is anything wrong with me. I work hard to appreciate the non-materialistic side of life. I love my wife, my kids, my mom, my brothers, my sister, my friends and I miss my dad. I realize that I am blessed by many things. However, I still would love to have an I-pod and the "action figure" of Brian, the dog from Family Guy under my tree on Christmas day.

Word of the Day: Equipoise

There is too much negativity running about in the world today. I am a perpetrator. I admit it. I have a theory that sadness and anger are natural emotions but happiness and serenity has to be learned. The simplest example of this is a baby. They cry and fuss without any prompting. The smiles and coos only come with work done by the parent to create the positive feelings. It only happens with the help and training of others.

Work on making yourself happy. I am not advocating hedonistic behaviors, at least not all the time. Also, I think we all need to remember to work and train others to feel the good feelings. This can cause your own good feelings to multiply dramatically.

Personally I need to work on the guilt I often inflict upon myself when I do things that could be construed as selfish.

I love the term serenity - calm and undisturbed. It is a state of mind that is a laudable goal. Not an easy one, but a great intent.

Another word I like is equipoise - balance: equality of distribution. I first heard it in relation to baseball. It takes great equipoise to hit a ball, relaxation and concentration. Those two frames of mind balanced properly seem to me to be a great way to get to that serenity.

I always "sign off" when leaving a person or ending an e-mail with the phrase "Have fun." I mean it.

Have fun.

A Sense of Completion

I finished it. I had been working on a movie script for quite a while now. Sarah, Seth, and I have been planning to make a short comedy film for a little over a year now. It all began as trading jokes and gags while sitting around Sarah's classroom. I started writing the script soon after that session. Well, a variety of things slowed the process. It took me nearly a year to write the first 29 pages and then I wrote 20 pages Wednesday.

It was great fun to write the script. I was giddy Wednesday. Claudia and I were hanging out Wednesday afternoon while the kids were at choir practice and she was bombarded with silly joke after silly joke as I continued on what I called "a roll." Writing is a singular process. I enjoy sitting at the computer writing. I even make myself laugh out loud once in a while. The contributions of Seth and Sarah can not be overstated.

I think the movie will be quite funny. The circle of friends we have possess talents that should make it possible to truly pull this off well. The fun of collaborative creative process is great. I hope all can continue towards the completion of this project.

Hermit Tendancies Pushed Aside

Saturday night was the big party for Seth's natal day. I realized that it had been quite a while since I had been in a large group of people for social purposes. Even when I go to places with lots of people I tend to stay rather closed off and stick to a small number of folks. Saturday was different because, not only did I know 99% of the people there, I liked all the people there. I have, maybe not anti-social tendancies, but rather, hermit tendancies.

It was great to laugh and talk and eat and drink (I was a good boy I had one cup of the spiked punch only) with a bunch of people. Thanks, Sarah for the throwing the party and thanks to Seth for making it clear that the lack of a party would be tantamount to sacrilegious behavior.

Next year I will have to drop hints the size of Buick that I want a big party on my birthday.

Election Day

I just think it is cool to vote. I know a lot of people voted in advance for convenience sake, but I like the process. When I showed up at my polling place there were no lines, but it was busy. It was at 9:15 so not a peak time in Cimarron. I was given the wrong ballot for my "township" and had to vote twice - but I am sure only one will count.

My father was a political junkie so watching the news and the election returns was a big deal in my house as a child. I have memories of watching the political party conventions when they actually meant something, not just rubber stamp of primaries. It was fun to watch the spokesman for each state announce how they were voting. They always got some sort of chamber of commerce plug in as they were polled. "The great state of Wisconsin, the home of enough cheese to make an enchilada the size of Pangea, casts its votes for the next President of the United States -- George McGovern!" So both statements were probably not correct.

I hope everyone old enough to vote does so. I realize that everyone I voted for will not win, but it did not stop me from voting for the person. I was casting about for someone to write in against Tim Huelskamp and Melvin Neufeld because I hate it when someone runs unoppossed. People complain that we should have a more open pool of candidates than the two established parties, well in southwest Kansas there is but one all to often. No Democrats run against the established Republicans, that can't be good.

I am looking forward to watching the coverage of the election tonight...I just pray that we have a decision 2004 in a much shorter timeframe than decision 2000. If the courts get involved we may have problems that reach far beyond who will be president for the next four years.

Nothing in Particular

I have nothing in particular to talk about today. I just felt I should post something because when I go to the blogs I read on a regular basis and there is nothing new I have a moment of dissapointment. It is not disheartening (my car won't start), painful (I just stubbed my toe on the chair leg) or frightening (the Supreme Court just got bombed and Bush gets to name a whole new batch). It is just a moment of "aahhh, nothing."

I am glad Seth got me started with this odd little electronic therapy. I am very curious how much it gets read, but I am not worried about the "popularity" of it. I enjoy the excuse to write "stuff." Unimportant stuff, silly stuff, self-important stuff, crappy stuff.......

To anyone who does read this stuff please add your two cents worth on the comments. I love the feedback and the fun of seeing what others think.

Question of the day: How does one loot 377 tons of explosives? This isn't a television from a storefront window in a race riot. I can't lift a box of books much less 377 tons of something.

Extremists are fun

This is a great time of year for fanatics.

The Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees series has brought a huge number of irrational statements, not to mention fun baseball to watch.

The election creates fanaticism that is unparalleled. Both sides are guilty of this. I have been listening to Air America on the internet today. Liberal radio designed to combat the conservative radio talk that is rife on the airwaves. It is fun to listen to this after getting angry at Rush Limbaugh for years.

Everybody spins and distorts...

Be sure you vote what your head and heart tells you, but please use your head more than your heart.

You know who I miss ... all the fanatics saying that Harry Potter is demonic and makes children turn to Satan if they read them. My children can spout Potter trivia as easily as their names and address and I have yet to find a pentagram drawn in blood on their closet walls.

I wonder how the candidates feel about Harry Potter. My guess: Kerry liked the books, but wants to put a Potter tax on all Harry memorabilia to fund his liberal tax and spend ideas. Laura read the first book to W, but he didn't have the attention span for the longer sequels. Dick Cheney explained them to him and got a contract for Halliburton to supply the troops with hardcover copies, the books are in Farsi (the official language of Iran) and we paid $795 per copy, but if you wedge one in your shirt they stop many forms of shrapnel better than the flak jackets. Nader feels that the fact that book 5 was 870 pages was a threat to the rain forests because the number of trees to supply the paper can not be found elswhere. Michael Badnarik's Potter opinion, oh, who the hell cares what the Libertarian candidate thinks. I bet you didn't know he was the Libertarian candidate until the end of the sentence.

Are your humors out of balance?

A friend of mine gave me a "Personality Testing Instrument" the other day. I had a few minutes to kill while waiting for something so I filled it out. It was simple enough. There were forty rows, in each row there were four words. I was to chose the one word in each row that best described me. Twenty rows went under the heading "Strengths" and twenty under the heading "Weaknesses." What I found the most interesting about the test is that they divide the results into four categories: Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic, and Melancholy, the four humors of Elizabethan times.

My question is:
If I think that I would rather be in a different category than the test slots me would a pair of peckish leeches fix things up?

In case you are wondering I was labeld a Peaceful Phlegmatic with slight Perfect Melancholy leanings. A few Popular Sanguine traits popped up, but the Powerful Choleric was nearly non-existent in this guy.

I would love to have a friend fill it out for me to see if others see me as I see myself...