Dear Sir,
I want to express my displeasure about an issue in the Kansas State Legislature. I can't believe these people are spending so much time talking about s-e-x. They should be ashamed of the themselves. I don't think s-e-x should be talked about in public places. However, I am going to have to make an exemption.
The people in Topeka want to outlaw same sex marriage. This is awful! I only know one way to have sex. I have the same sex all the time. If they make this illegal I don't think I can handle it. I can't come up with a new way to do it each time my wife and I want to have relations. Granted it only happens whenever we change the clocks (and the batteries in the smoke detectors) but after we spring forward I will not be able to figure out a new way to fall back.
Those yahoos in Topeka had better come up with some kind of manual if they expect everyone in the state to stop having the same sex. I for one would allow my tax dollars to make some sort of Kansas Sutra to help the less imaginative of us.
Sincerely,
Floyd Christopher Turbo, Jr.
(apologies to my mother who reads this...)
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2 comments:
Dear Floyd:
I think you heard wrong. The Kansas Legislature has been debating whether to illegalize LAME sex marriages. I’m not sure why they are spending so much time on this. I’m sure some of the legislator’s wives would start calling the cops if lame sex is outlawed. In addition, without lame sex most people would be left without any sex at all. That would lead to more deviant behavior such as the rampant renting of hard poor corn….
What’s that Jane?
Oh, that’s different.
Never mind.
Emily Litella
No, no -- you've got this "same" business all wrong.
It's OK for you to have the same sex YOU'VE been having.
But it'll be illegal for you to have the same sex as THEY'VE been having. You know, with secretaries in the parking garage, Newt Gingrich-style. That kind of thing.
And why does Rick Santorum worry about you having man-on-dog sex anyway? Something you're not telling us, Rick?
--Fetishistic Brother
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