Humility nation, not humiliation

It was not my intent to disappoint individuals throughout the country, but I believe I have done so. My brother showed me a way to attach an on-line doohickey to my blog. (I find it amusing that spell check recognizes doohickey but not blog.) This doohickey shows me a little information about the folks visiting the site. It tells me what town they are from and if they used Google to get to me it even tells me what the visitor typed into the search box. This is where the disappointment comes into play.
Awhile back I wrote a column in which I pointed out how terribly out of touch, as well as past the point of ogling swimsuit models, I am. In the column I mentioned Cheryl Tiegs in that white mesh swimsuit she wore in Sports Illustrated some thirty years ago. Well, because of that mention, if a middle-aged man is trying to recapture some of the libidinous fire of his youth, while the wife is busy watching Ugly Betty, and sneaks onto the internet, typing Cheryl+Tiegs+white+mesh+swimsuit into the computer gets him a list of websites, including mine. This has to be a monumental let down like ordering a banana split and getting asparagus on a bed of fresh spinach because they are out of ice cream.
To those individuals (in particular the guys from Renton, WA, Fennville, MI, and Newbury Park, CA) I need to point something out. When you go to Google there are words in the upper left to help you. If you point and click on the word “images” you might find your search for Ms. Tiegs more (ahem) fruitful.
Why am I worried about disappointing people I will never meet, especially people who are spending their free time searching for racy photographs from 1978? I don’t know. I suppose it could revolve around the fact that I have the self-esteem of plankton.
A buddy of mine is constantly on me about my predilection for self-effacing statements. Maybe it’s because I’m such a total loser. Oops, there I go again. Actually, I know I’m not a loser, but I do have buckets of humidity…sorry, that should be humility. If I had buckets of humidity I’d be living in Quillayute, Washington, the most humid city in the United States according to the Weather Research Center in Houston, Texas. Knowing the town with the highest average humidity has to point out just how useless much of the information in my cranium truly is. (I think that may be another self-denigrating statement.) I do not know which city in the nation has the most humility, but I am willing to venture it is not Washington, D.C.
Truth be told, being so empty of myself (That is the opposite of full of myself, isn’t it?) has held me in good stead for most of my life. People are more likely to help if they feel it will be appreciated, but more importantly, people will be more likely to help if they feel you need their help. People who know everything, or at least advertise they know everything, do not invite altruistic feelings in others.
This works best with women. No, I’m not talking about some silly “How to Date Swim Suit Models Even if you Make That Kramer Guy from Seinfeld look like Brad Pitt” hint from Hugh Hefner or Austin Powers. Many women are hardwired with a maternal instinct, not just for children, but for inept men as well. You should not be a blithering idiot, that doesn’t elicit nurturing actions that elicits a rap in the mouth.
My theory stating the concept that a highly modest person can be effective is echoed by someone with much higher status than I possess. Jim Collins is the author of “Good to Great”. His book was originally published almost seven years ago and it has proven its staying power because it currently ranks thirty-first on the Amazon.com bestseller list. He says a level five leader (five is as high as he goes) is not a larger than life person. A level five leader is “self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy.” Aha! I rest my case. He points out a great leader says “we” not “I”. The old cliché holds true. There is no “i” in team. Has anyone else noticed there is no “i” but there is an “m” and an “e” which spells me?
So I will stick to my modest ways. I will downplay my strengths and admit my shortcomings and if Mr. Collins is right I will one day rule the world!