Some things go together, some things don't

The old saying has always been, “politics makes strange bedfellows.” Well it appears business may create even odder ones. It was announced a few weeks ago the Energizer Company was going to purchase the Playtex Company. Just bringing this to your attention may be sufficient for a humor column. I am sure most people reading this have already come up with their own jokes about the Energizer Bunny and any one of many Playtex products. My work here is done…
Big companies have been buying big companies for ages. Here are some of note from the last decade or so. Exxon bought Mobile Oil and became Exxon/Mobile. Time Corporation bought Warner Communications and became Time-Warner. Then America Online bought them creating Time-Warner/AOL. These people may be stinking rich, but they are not very imaginative when it comes to naming their new companies.
This trend of just sticking the two names of the formerly separate companies together makes it easier for the general public to recognize the brands but it should not always be done. For example, if a certain diversified manufacturer purchased a particular heavy equipment manufacturer it would become Eaton-Caterpillar, which is down right unappetizing to say the least. However, if that same diversified manufacturer purchased a particular Pennsylvania company and then bought a certain insurance group it would be Eaton-Hershey-Chubb. This tells a simple story of cause and effect. If one major retailer purchased a retailer of home improvement materials it would be Target-Lowe’s, sounds like Robin Hood is trying to hit the Sheriff of Nottingham’s ankles.
There are some companies which should be able to do the hostile takeover thing simply because of their names. Pep Boys would have no trouble with La-Z-Boy, but neither of them have a chance against Manpower. Everyone who has ever used a quick hand game to decide who gets the last slice of pizza knows International Paper beats Rockwell International.
Another recent example of one company buying another is IHOP restaurants purchasing the chain of Applebee’s restaurants. These are two companies which do basically the same thing, feed hungry patrons. Yet they each bring something of benefit to the other. Applebee’s offers car side service, a wide variety of appetizers, menu items friendly to vegetarians and people trying to eat healthy. IHOP offers a dirt load of syrup.
The merger of two restaurant chains makes sense. Anyone can see them living together harmoniously, but some companies just do not go together. Can you imagine a merger of Smith and Wesson and Wesson Oil? The combined name flows off the tongue quite easily, Smith and Wesson Oil. Even though you can shoot the chicken and fry it up in one fell swoop, it is most difficult to load the bullets with your fingers covered with 100% pure vegetable oil.
Okay, maybe that example is a bit far-fetched. How about this? Phil Knight at Nike decides to buy L’Oreal. Athletic shoes and hair coloring products do not at first glance go together. However, I have seen women with such a bad dye job running away seemed like a good idea at the time. Upon closer inspection it is the snappy slogans associated with the companies which make them natural allies. Just Do It Because You’re Worth It. It even makes a complete sentence.
Slogans are very important to corporations trying to make sure they stay at the forefront of the public’s awareness. Think back. You can probably remember slogans from your early days. “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is,” is instantly recognizable to more than one generation of television watchers. As powerful as slogans are getting them mixed up can cause some real damage. So, merging companies must exercise caution.
Think of the disaster if the slogan Sonic is using to point out their restaurants are open deep into the night (Even sweeter after dark) became associated in the consumer’s mind with a different product. A product like maybe, Coppertone? People would be very confused. Or if the slogan Colgate toothpaste is using at the moment (So clean you can feel it) got mixed up with a company which sold kitty litter.
Now let’s take a moment to pick out some companies which really should merge. Taco Bell and Tums make a natural partnership. Without the existence of the one the other would take a real hit to his bottom line. Anheuser-Busch and Bayer are a match made in hang-over heaven. It may be a vicious circle but Jenny Craig being purchased by Russell Stover makes sense on many levels. Finally, for all you parents of diaper wearing children Huggies buying large chunks (no pun intended) of stock in Renuzit is a no-brainer.